I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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