i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
