nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How's work?
Spinning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
