I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
