plz talk dirty to me
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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