I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
