Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
