If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
