dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
