I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
