Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
