in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
