Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
