Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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