would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
