i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
