I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
