Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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