new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
