made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
