twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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