I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
