i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
