Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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