He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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