oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
