; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
