I think scott just propositioned me for sex
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
