i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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