I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
