I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
