so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
