There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
