What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
