Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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