that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
