smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
