Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
