I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
