Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
