Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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