I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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