Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
