It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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