Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
