I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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