Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
