If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
