if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
