That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
