I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
